Beyond Bubble Baths: Self-Care That Builds A Life You Love

Self-care has been sold to us as a reward: a candle, a face mask, a nap, a glass of wine. I’m not mad at any of that, but I am pushing past it. Real self-care is the work that protects your peace and helps you build a life you don’t need to escape from, even when it’s uncomfortable. Think boundaries, honest “no” answers, routines, and decisions that support your long-term mental health and well-being.

I walk through the biggest self-care myths I hear all the time: that it’s selfish, that it has to be expensive, that it should always feel relaxing, that it’s only for certain people, or that it only matters when you’re already burnt out. Then I draw a clear line between self-soothing and authentic self-care. Self-soothing helps you calm down in the moment through emotional regulation and nervous system support. Self-care is proactive and long-term, covering physical health, emotional health, relationships, spiritual practices, and even financial stability.

We also get practical about how to tell when you need more care. I share the “check engine light” signals to watch for, from fatigue and sleep issues to irritability, anxiety, brain fog, resentment, isolation, and coping habits that quietly grow into bigger problems. You’ll leave with simple questions you can ask yourself daily so self-care becomes a consistent practice, not an emergency response.

If this hits home, subscribe, share the episode with someone who’s running on empty, and leave a review so more people can find the kind of self-care that actually heals. What’s one boundary or habit you know you need right now?

Transcript

edefining Self-Care From The Start

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Close your eyes and think of self-care. What do you see? Do you see a candle? Maybe a sheet mask? Maybe a glass of wine. Now, forget all that. Real self-care isn't a reward for an exhausted life. It's the work required to build a life you don't need to escape from. It's the uncomfortable boundaries, the budget spreadsheets, and the know that protects your peace. I'm Corey Kennard. And today on the Do to Expire podcast, we're going beyond the bubble bath to talk about the self-care that actually heals. Now, let's grow.energy. That's no negative, all one word.energy. Now we hear this the term self-care everywhere. But what does it truly mean? What does it mean beyond a spa day or a face mask? In order to answer this, let's look at some common misconceptions about self-care. One myth is that self-care is selfish or indulgent. This is perhaps the most pervasive myth. Many people feel guilty taking time for themselves, especially if they have responsibility to others like their family or work. However, self-care is essential for your well-being. Just like putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others on a plane, you need to care for yourself to be able to effectively care for anyone else. Therefore, it's not selfish. It's a necessary act that allows you to be more present and engaged in life. The next myth is that self-care is expensive or luxurious. You know, the media often portrays self-care as spa days, lavish vacations, or expensive products. While those things can be self-care for some, true self-care doesn't require a lot of money. It can be simple. Free activities like taking a walk, reading a book, meditating for about fifteen minutes, listening to music, getting enough sleep, or spending time in nature. The next myth is that self-care is always relaxing and feels good. Now I need you to hear me on this one. While many self-care activities can be relaxing, not all of them are. Sometimes self-care involves doing things that are challenging but ultimately beneficial for your long-term well-being. This could include setting boundaries, having difficult conversations, going to therapy, exercising when you don't feel like it, or tackling a daunting task that has been weighing on you for quite some time. Now many think that self-care is a one-time fix or an emergency response. Self-care isn't something you do only when you're burnt out or in a crisis. It's an ongoing, consistent practice that should be integrated into your daily life. Regular self-care helps prevent burnout and maintain overall well-being. And then finally, some think that self-care is only for certain people. Maybe just for women or those with mental or emotional health issues. Let me say this. Self-care is for everyone, regardless of gender, age, profession, or background. Everyone needs to take care of their physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health. Understanding these misconceptions can help you approach self-care in a more realistic and effective way, tailoring to your individual needs and circumstances. So how should we define authentic self-care? How I like to define it is by saying that it's not just pampering, it's intentional action to preserve and improve your well-being. Although they can be considered interchangeable, they are distinct and different. Self-soothing activities are primarily focused on providing immediate relief from intense emotions or distress. They are often reactive, a way to calm down when you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious, angry, sad, or stressed in the moment. Think of them as tools to regulate your emotions and bring yourself back to a state of equilibrium. Self-soothing often engages your senses to ground you in the present moment. Some examples of self-soothing activities are taking a warm bubble bath, wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket, listening to calming music or nature sounds, using essential oils or scented candles, sipping a warm cup of tea or hot chocolate, eating a favorite comfort food mindfully, but only in moderation. Splashing cold water on your face, gentle stretching or a short walk, walking with a pet or rocking in a chair. So the goal is to manage immediate stress and bring a sense of calm. Self-soothing is short term and it's an in the moment relief. And its focus is emotional regulation and calming the nervous system. On the other hand, self-care is so much broader. I mean, it's more proactive and long-term in terms of its approach to maintaining and improving your overall well-being across various dimensions: physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual, and financial. It's about regularly returning yourself to a nurturing state to prevent burnout, to build resistance, and enhance your quality of life. Remember, self-care may not always feel good. It's like going to the dentist to have a difficult maybe tooth extraction. Right? It's not fun, but it contributes to your long-term health and functioning. Examples of self-care activities are getting adequate and consistent sleep, eating nutritious meals, and staying hydrated. Drink your water, ladies and gentlemen. Regular exercise or physical activity are important. And attending routine medical and dental checkups. Journaling your thoughts and feelings are other ways to promote self-care. Practicing meditation or praying regularly, setting healthy boundaries with others, learning new skills, seeking therapy or counseling when needed, limiting exposure to negative news or social media. Spending quality time with supportive friends and family, maintaining healthy relationships, and letting go of toxic ones. A few more things are practicing gratitude, spending time in nature, and setting work-life boundaries. So the goal of self-care is to promote overall well-being, prevent burnout, and build resistance. The time frame for self-care is long term and it comes down to consistent practice. The self-care focus is meeting your fundamental needs and investing in your future self. Now, to briefly summarize self-soothing versus self-care, we understand that self-soothing is immediate relief from distress. Self-care is long-term well-being and prevention of burnout. Self-soothing is reactive and in the moment. Self-care is proactive and it involves consistent practice. Self-soothing often feels good, comforting, and it helps you to kind of get over some things right then and there. However, self-care may not always feel good, but know that it's beneficial. And finally, self-soothing is a narrower scope and it focuses on emotional regulation versus self-care, which is broader and addresses all aspects of well-being. Now I want to go back to something that I mentioned earlier when I said that some people actually think that self-care is selfish. And I would like to share with you why self-care is not selfish. But first, let me say that it actually bothers me to know that some people don't engage in authentic self-care because they actually think it's selfish. Where does this thinking come from? That's the question that we all need to answer right now. Well, the very idea that self-care is selfish often stems from societal pressures, from cultural norms, and even personal experiences that prioritize putting others first. Conversely, these can be the same people who, if they were on an airplane, would definitely put their oxygen mask on first prior to helping others, as instructed by the airline attendants, which is a form of self-care. So for the same reason, self-care is fundamentally not selfish. Therefore, we need to do it for several crucial reasons. The first reason is this: you cannot pour from an empty cup. If you constantly give to others without replenishing your own physical, mental, and emotional resources, you will eventually burn out. When you're exhausted, stressed, and depleted, you're less effective, you're less patient, and you're less capable of genuinely helping or connecting with anyone else. Self-care is about refilling your cup so that you can continue to give from a place of abundance and not depletion. The second reason is it enhances your ability to care for others. When you're well rested, mentally clear, and emotionally balanced, guess what? You're a better friend, you're a better partner, you're a better parent, you're a better colleague, and a better community member. You have more energy, more patience, and you have more capacity for empathy. Self-care allows you to show up as your best self for the people and causes you care about the most. The third reason is it's a form of prevention. Just as you would maintain your car or your house to prevent major breakdowns, self-care is about proactive maintenance of your own well-being. Regular self-care can prevent burnout, it can reduce stress, it can improve mental health, and even boost your physical health. You see, it's much harder to recover from a complete breakdown than to maintain a healthy baseline. And number four, I want you to do it for the babies. Right? Let me say that again. Do it for the babies. By prioritizing your own well-being, you model healthy habits for those around you, especially children. You teach them that it's important to take care of oneself, set boundaries, and honor one's needs. This is something that the young people need to see and know. This can help them break inherent cycles of self-neglect and promote healthier relationships as they get older. Self-care also makes you stronger. When you consistently practice self-care, you build a stronger foundation of resilience. This allows you to better cope with stress, setbacks, and adversity rather than being completely overwhelmed by them. It also increases your value. Did you hear me? Everybody wants that, right? You want your value to be increased. Well, as at its core, self-care is an acknowledgement that you are a valuable human being, worthy of care and attention. It's about respecting your own needs and recognizing that your well-being matters. Not just in relation to how you can serve others, but simply because you are a human being who exists on this earth. And then it fosters genuine giving that leads to genuine living. I like that. If you're giving out of obligation, resentment, or a sense of duty when you're depleted, tired, and burnt out, well, giving can feel hollow or lead to resentment. But when you engage in self-care, your acts of kindness and support for others become more genuine, heartfelt, and sustainable. In essence, self-care isn't about neglecting others. It's about investing in yourself so that you can show up more fully and authentically for all aspects of your life, including your relationships and responsibilities. It's a necessary act of self-preservation that ultimately benefits everyone around you. Now, after hearing all of that, you may ask me, Corey, what do I need to do? Well, measuring your personal need for self-care isn't a one-size-fits-all equation, as it's highly individual and dynamic. It's less about a strict measurement and more about self-awareness, ongoing assessment, and responsiveness to your own needs. So here are some ways you can approach measuring your personal need for self-care. I need you to do these things. If you want a measurement, here it is. Tune into your body's signals. Just like the check engine light on your car, your body often sends its first warning signs when you're running on empty. So pay attention to fatigue and exhaustion. This is when you're feeling completely tired, and even after a good night's rest, you just don't have the energy. That's a warning sign. Sleep disturbances, like difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep or waking up unrefreshed, warning signs. Physical aches and pains like headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, frequent colds, and weakened immune system. Warning sign. Changes in appetite can be another warning sign, right? Overeating, under eating, or craving unhealthy foods, which a lot of us have an issue with. Low energy, feeling sluggish all day long, and lacking motivation for even simple tasks. You're just like, I can't do it. I'm too tired. That's a warning sign that you need self-care. Also, changes in hygiene and appearance. This is something that we cannot neglect. When you begin to neglect personal grooming and not caring about how you look, warning sign. So I want you to monitor also your emotional and mental state.

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Right?

eflect, Choose Intention, Close Out

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If you're irritable, you have a short temper, you're snapping at others easily, feeling constantly annoyed or frustrated, time for self-care. Increased anxiety or stress, feeling overwhelmed, worried, on edge all the time, time for self-care. If you had mood swings, losing interest in activities you once enjoyed, difficulty concentrating with all of this brain fog, negative self-talk and self-criticism, harsh judgments about yourself, feeling overwhelmed, burdened, feeling like you can't handle your responsibilities. Can anybody identify with this? Resentment, feeling bitter towards others or your obligations? If you feel like you need to isolate yourself, if you're constantly withdrawing from social contact and preferred activities, all warning signs. And then there's there's some other behavioral patterns that I need you to monitor. If you're relying on alcohol, caffeine, or other substances to cope, you need help. Self-care is a way. Procrastination, this is a big one. Putting off important tasks more frequently because you feel burned out. You just can't do it. And if you have difficulty saying no because you're taking on too many commitments, even when you're already stretched thin, guess what? You're gonna drive yourself off a cliff. You're not gonna be any good to anybody. Learn to say no. You can't do everything. And sometimes those closest to us can notice signs of burnout before we do. If a trusted friend, a family member, or colleague expresses concern, it's worth listening to their observations. They can probably see you a little better than you can see you when you lack self-care. Ultimately, we need to learn how to ask ourselves some serious questions and then seriously answer them. Questions like How am I truly feeling right now? What do I really need in this moment? What do I really need today? What do I really need this week? Am I feeling energized or drained? Need to answer these questions. What's one small thing I can do for myself today that would make a difference? Great question to ask and to answer. And then what what part of my life feels neglected? By consistently monitoring these in internal and external cues, guess what? You'll be actively engaging in self-reflection. And with that, you can effectively measure and meet your personal need for self-care. So I know you got your bubble bath raring to go, right? But as we come to the end of this podcast, it's always important to remember that self-care is essential, it's personalized, and it is a vital investment. It is going beyond just bubble baths, y'all. It's way beyond just taking a nap. And what works for one person, it may not work for everybody. But I want you to experiment with these suggestions that I've made in this podcast and find out what can help you become a more productive and better person in life's journey. So right now, reflect on your life. Are you prioritizing what truly matters? Are you acting with intention or letting time slip away? Since we are all due to expire, the question is: what will you do with your life between now and then? I want to thank you for listening to this podcast today. I'm your host, Corey Kennard.