Before New Love, Find True Love

You can spend years swiping, dating, and overthinking who likes you, then still feel empty when you finally “find someone.” I’m Corey Kennard, and I’m challenging the whole chase with one cold truth: you can’t build a skyscraper on a foundation of sand. If you don’t like the person you’re coming home to every night, the one in the mirror, it’s almost impossible to fully receive the love you say you want.

We walk through a practical self-awareness framework for dating and relationships: identifying your strengths (what energizes you and comes naturally), owning your weaknesses without getting defensive, and naming your desires with tools like journaling and a vision board. From there, we get serious about non-negotiables. These are your deal breakers, the values and boundaries that protect your peace. We also separate needs vs wants so you stop making compromises that quietly drain your self-respect.

Then we address the part most people skip: emotional baggage. We talk about how past wounds turn into triggers, control, fear of abandonment, intimacy issues, and unhealthy comparison and how to unpack it through real processing and self-healing. I share three anchors to keep you steady: patience (healing takes time), responsibility (a partner can’t fix you), and presence (mindfulness keeps you from projecting the past onto the present). We finish by defining what healthy love looks like trust, communication, mutual respect, support, healthy independence, growth, and actual joy and why your environment matters, including cutting off toxic negativity.

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Transcript

Stop Searching Start With You

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We're all looking for the one. We spend years swiping, dating, and obsessing over whether or not they, somebody out there, likes us. But here's the cold hard truth. You can't build a skyscraper on a foundation of sand. If you don't like the person you're coming home to every night, and I'm talking about the one in the mirror, you'll never be able to fully receive the love you're looking for. I'm Corey Kennard, and today on the Due to Expire podcast, we're stopping the search for a soulmate so we can start the search of discovering who we really are. Now, let's grow.

Clearing Negative Thoughts

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We simply help people to learn to get rid of negative thoughts and think more positive ones so that they can live better lives. For life coaching services and more, check us out at nonegative.energy. That's no negative, all one phrase.energy.

Mapping Strengths And Weaknesses

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Now when embarking upon the journey of preparing for true love, getting to know yourself by understanding your strengths, your weaknesses, your desires, and your non-negotiables are key. These all play a crucial role of self-awareness and personal growth. Let's take a look at how to discover your strengths. Your strengths are simply what you excel at. These are things that energize you. And it often comes naturally. Think about times you've succeeded, both big and small, in your personal and professional life. What skills or qualities did you use to achieve those successes? Those are your strengths. What activities do you genuinely enjoy and feel energized by? What tasks don't feel like work to you? Answering these questions identify your strengths. What have others complimented you on consistently? Ask trusted friends, family members, or colleagues for their observations about your strengths that they have observed. Now as much as you would not like to, you should also seek to understand your weaknesses. Your weaknesses are areas where you struggle, where you could improve, or what drains your energy. When you have struggled or failed to detect patterns of behavior that contributed to the poor outcome, those patterns are weaknesses. Tasks or situations that you consistently avoid or find draining, weaknesses. Seek feedback by asking those trusted individuals in your life for honest, constructive feedback on areas where you can improve. Now I need you to be open to hearing these things without becoming defensive. You know how it is, when somebody criticizes you, you can get upset. I need you to get rid of that attitude and accept what people are saying about your weaknesses.

Desires And The Vision Board

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And then also, what are your desires? Well, your desires are what you genuinely want. Those things that bring you joy, those things that motivate you, these are your aspirations and your preferences. Now, what I would like for you to do now is imagine your ideal life. What does it look like in different areas? Your career, your relationships, personal well-being, finances, hobbies, etc., etc. etc. What does it look like to you? What are you doing when you envision this? What are you feeling? What are you experiencing? One great tool to bring your desires to life is to create a vision board or journal. Now, when you do this, do not censor yourself. Let your imagination run wild. Listen to your gut. Pay attention to your intuition and emotional responses. What truly resonates with you? What makes your heart sing? Yes, that's right. Let me just speak that now. What makes your heart sing? Write it down or cut it out and place it on your vision board. Then I want you to stare at it. Just look at it. Then speak it. Get it into your spirit so that you can then manifest it. Are you finding out anything about yourself that you never allowed to really fully be explored? If the answer is yes, then you are doing great. Now, let's get to the next piece of prep work that will really get you to know yourself.

Non-Negotiables And Boundaries

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Your non-negotiables. What are your non-negotiables? Well, these are absolute deal breakers. These are things that you are unwilling to compromise on in a relationship. Fundamental boundaries or essential requirements for your well-being and your happiness. When have you compromised on something important and regretted it later? How did that make you feel? Sit with that for a second. I can recall several things that I truly regret. For instance, I can remember when I tried to fit in with a particular peer group. I copied what they did. I copied how they did it. And I did it in order to be accepted. After a while, I discovered that I was not being true to who I am. And if that group couldn't deal with or accept that, then I did not need to be a part of that group. Therefore, one of my non-negotiables is to always be true to my genuine self. And if anybody can't deal with that, then guess what? They can kick rocks and I need to keep it moving. That's their problem and not mine. I need you to say that to yourself. That's their problem and not yours. It's just as important to find out what values are so fundamental to you that you absolutely cannot live without them being honored. Discovering these values will help you to set proper boundaries. You have to decide what behaviors or situations are truly unacceptable to you, whether from others or from yourself. And you need to shut those behaviors down. This is where you can declare and develop your what I won't tolerate list. This is a list of things that you are unwilling to tolerate in relationships, work environments, or your personal life. Now it's important to find out a little more about yourself by prioritizing your needs versus your wants. It's imperative for you to differentiate between what you want, which are your desires, and what you need, your non-negotiables, in order to feel safe, respected, and fulfilled. At this juncture, the consequences of compromise must be weighed. Ask yourself, what would be the long-term impact on my well-being, my integrity, or my happiness if I were to compromise on this desire or non-negotiable? If the thought of compromising feels deeply wrong or would lead to significant unhappiness, it's likely a non-negotiable and not a desire. Now, one thing that must be learned is how to be honest with yourself. This process requires a high degree of self-reflection and self-awareness. It's not always easy, but this type of reflection is incredibly rewarding. It's also an ongoing process and not a one-time event. As you grow and evolve, your strengths, your weaknesses, your desires, and your non-negotiables may shift from time to time. Regularly revisit and refine your understanding of them all. Now let's get into some conversation about what you can potentially bring into a new love relationship.

Identifying And Unpacking Baggage

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That's why you probably tuned in today, right? You want to know how do I get to that place? One major thing that can be brought into a new relationship that may not be helpful is baggage. You must address any baggage from previous relationships or personal experiences that might hinder future connections. These have a tremendous impact. So listen to me carefully. Number one, identify the baggage. The first step is to recognize that you have emotional or psychological baggage and you must understand what it is. What specific experiences or patterns from your past are still affecting you? What is still making you angry? What's keeping you up at night? What's keeping a potential partner away from you? This could include trust issues, fear of abandonment, difficulty with intimacy, a need for control, or a tendency to compare new partners to old ones. Huge mistake. And while you're identifying your baggage, you need to unpack this baggage by learning how to process these emotions. Don't suppress your feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, or shame. Allow yourself to feel them, understand their origins, and process them in healthy ways by journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking professional help. Seek closure by reflecting on what went wrong in past relationships. This isn't about blaming, but about understanding dynamics and gaining insights. This can prevent you from carrying unresolved issues into new connections or relationships. This is something that we all must do. We must learn from our mistakes. How do we do that? By identifying patterns of behavior, both yours and others, that were unhealthy. What lessons can you take from these experiences to prevent repeating them? By consistently addressing your baggage, you empower yourself to build future connections that are genuinely fulfilling, trusting, and healthy. After you identify your baggage, the next thing is focus on self-healing

Self-Healing Through Daily Self-Care

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and growth. Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being through self-care processes like adequate sleep, eating a healthy diet, daily exercise, getting off the couch and doing something, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. These can help to build resilience and create an attitude of self-worth. During this process, I want you to be kind and patient with yourself. Healing takes time. Let me say that again. Healing takes time. And there will be setbacks. Replace self-criticism with understanding and acknowledge your progress. Also, here's another key: understand your triggers. Acknowledge what situations or behaviors cause you to react in ways that stem from past hurts. You know those things that cause you to go off on someone because of what was said or done by them, and they don't have a clue as to why you are reacting in that way towards them. And maybe you don't either. I don't know. It is this awareness that allows you to respond consciously rather than reactively.

Patience Responsibility And Presence

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And then I want to give you now three keys that help to drive the previous points home. And these are patience, responsibility, and presence. Patience means healing and building new healthy connections and then understanding that this will take time. Don't rush yourself or expect your new partner to fix you. Oh no, no, no. Be patient. A change will come. And then also take responsibility. Well, what do I need to be responsible for? Take responsibility for your own healing and growth. That's what you need to be responsible for. While a partner can be supportive, they cannot heal your past wounds for you. Stop trying to pick somebody that you want to heal you. Next is presence, P-R-E-S-E-N-C-E. Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present moment. This helps prevent projecting past issues onto your current relationship. And then after you identify your baggage, after you look at focusing on your time for self-healing and growth, I want you to begin to look at how to define what matters in a relationship. Beyond

What Healthy Love Looks Like

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the individual, think about the dynamics you want to create with a partner. One is trust and security. Do you feel safe with this person? Both emotionally and physically? Is there a strong foundation of trust that has been established? Then there needs to be open communication. Is there a free flow of thoughts between the two of you? Are you talking about your feelings and your needs? Do you both feel heard and understood? And then there's mutual respect. Is there a genuine appreciation for each other's individuality and contributions? Or is just one person dominating the entire relationship? Is it you or is it them? And then support and encouragement. Do you uplift each other and celebrate successes or do you put each other down? Are you there for each other during challenges, or does one of you fall off? And then there's the independence and interdependence piece. Is there a healthy balance between individual space and shared life? Do you both maintain your identities within the relationship? Or do you smother each other and make the other person feel something that they don't want to feel? Then there's growth and evolution. Are you both willing to learn? Are you both willing to grow? Are you both willing to adapt together as individuals and as a couple? And then there's the piece of shared joy and fun. To put it simply, do you enjoy spending time together and having fun? You surely don't want to be in a relationship with somebody that you don't like to be around. It does not make sense. Now, for any relationship to be successful, you must work to build a supportive environment.

Building A Support System

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Surround yourself with positive people, first of all. Spend time with individuals who uplift you, believe in you, and offer constructive support. People like friends, family, or partners who uplift you and provide emotional support. You need them in your lives. Now for any relationship to be successful, you yes, you must work to build a supportive environment. Therefore, you need to surround yourself with positive people. Spend time with individuals who uplift you, believe in you, and offer constructive support. And then openly communicate your feelings and listen to others. Then distance yourself from all negativity. I want you to seek to minimize exposure to negative people, negative media, things that make you feel inadequate or things that bring you down. Stop engaging in those types of activities. If you don't get enough likes on social media for a post and you lose it and you become depressed, delete the account. It's not worth it. Then seek social support. Don't hesitate to reach out to people when you're struggling. A therapist, a family member, or friends. Sharing your feelings can be incredibly helpful, especially when you're feeling down. And then this is something that most people don't do well. Set healthy boundaries. Learn to say no to commitments that overwhelm you and establish clear boundaries with people who are consistently draining or are very negative. Your well-being is a priority, and your well-being comes first. So to add on to that, I need you to distance yourself from toxic relationships. Identify and minimize contact with individuals who are just there to criticize you, not to make you better, but just to tear you down. Those people who are very manipulative, I know you can make a list of those individuals, write their names down, and then cross them out. Let them know you're no longer gonna be an intimate part of my life.

The Investment That Changes Everything

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And now, as we finish this podcast, remember when you are thinking about investing in a meaningful relationship, first you must make a meaningful investment in yourself. Always know that ultimately what works for one person might not work for everybody else. So I want you to try some of these ideas out in this podcast today to find out what helps you become a better and more effective person in your relationships. Immediately start adding what works into your daily life and do it like your life depends on it. Because guess what? It does. So pause now and think about your life. Are you focusing on what truly matters? Are you doing things on purpose? Or are you just letting time slip away? We all will eventually expire at some point. So since we are due to expire, the question is what will you do with your life between now and then? Thank you for listening. I'm your host, Corey Kennard. We're all just slipping to nice five.